7 Signs that Pop Psychology is Ruining Your Marriage
You’ve seen the clickbait. 7 signs your partner is a narcissist. Maybe you thought, well we did get in a fight last night and my partner did get their way. So you entertain the article and click. After you navigate through the ridiculous amount of ads you get to the 7 signs and you find nearly all of them apply. So now its official, you are basically married to a 3rd world dictator with malicious intent in your relationship.
Dramatic, but unfortunately this phenomenon is sweeping its way through our culture rapidly. Reading pop psychology articles like this has an immense potential for damage for individuals and relationships. Basically, the “7 signs your partner is____________ “ is written like a horoscope where it can apply to most anyone. People are searching for answers to the problems in their marriage in all of the wrong places, primarily Google. What you get from Google is a search engine optimization of trending terms. Some of the most popular that I find are; narcissism, gas lighting, miserable husband syndrome, emotional abuse and trauma. People find these articles, read them quickly, and attribute those broad characteristics to their partner. Now they have a negative frame for which to apply to their partner and the divide in their relationship begins. Instead of support and encouragement for growth from a loving partner; you get condemnation and critiques from a self-justified victim.
Take the long view for a minute. The articles you are reading that are pushing gas lighting, narcissism, and others of the same content are at max 10 to 15 years old. What is timeless is the Biblical definition of Love.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Cor 13
That definition has survived thousands of years, it is time tested and not flair up of human philosophy for the time being. The truth is that we all fall short of living out Love in that definition, but the point is to always come back to it and work on making it more and more a part of who we are. Also, I would be remiss if I did not point out the Biblical warning against human philosophy:
“See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition..”
Col. 2:8
I’ll leave you with this. Instead of looking to your partner as the cause of issues in a relationship. First spend one month, 30 days, looking at yourself and where you come up short. Fill out this inventory on the next page each day, hopefully being honest, and see if things don’t start to improve.
